I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
