I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm bleeding and have questions
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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