I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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