You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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