Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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