I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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