This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
