I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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