Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
