put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
