He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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