I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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