it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
