I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
