Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
