omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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