even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
3pm strippers are depressing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
