Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
