We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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