I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
