I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
