captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
