Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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