So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
