what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
