I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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