it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
