If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
