Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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