I think im going to throw up on grandma
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
now i know why i became what i already was.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
