I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
