what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
