she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
