I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
