my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
