Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
