I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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