you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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