i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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