Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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