I think I died a long time ago.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
