I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
