I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
