No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
