I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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