I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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