i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
