I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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