I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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