why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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