So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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