So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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