I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
