i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
