9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I would ride that face into the sunset
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
