Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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