I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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