Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
