I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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